How to cope with imposter syndrome

If there is one thing most people, especially women, have in common, it is the problem of imposter syndrome. It creeps up slowly from behind, unnoticed by us, and then when we least expect it, it strikes. When we're looking for a new job or have been single for a while, when we have to pitch a product or try something new. The imposter syndrome can affect all aspects of our lives.

Definition

Let's get to the source and define the term: Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context (Source).

First described by psychologists Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, in the 1970s, imposter phenomenon occurs among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success. They often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud (Source).

Sounds familiar? It definitely does for me. For the longest time, I called it luck that I got the position I currently have until my partner told me that I should stop saying that because I really deserved that position. When I asked about imposter syndrome in different women-run groups on Facebook, I got an incredible response, showing me how omnipresent the topic is for us. It became clear to me that imposter syndrome can affect every aspect of life.

Common signs of imposter syndrome

• Self doubt

• Unable to take action

• Anxiety

• Perfectionism

• Self-sabotage of own dreams and accomplishments

• Disappointment with own performance

• Setting very challenging goals and challenges

• Depression

Interestingly, many women I spoke to said that they realized that they doubted themselves because of impostor syndrome and could react accordingly.

Coping mechanisms:

• Try not to compare yourself: Comparison is the thief of all joy and one of the biggest problems when struggling with imposter syndrome. For some, it might be helpful to reduce their time on social media. On social media it's often all about showing off and comparing ourselves - others seem to be further along, more successful, prettier, richer... This is my big, big struggle and just today I adjusted my Instagram usage so I spend less time on IG. Did you realize that some of the most successful people are not even on social media? DONE

• Talk about it with others: While it's important to listen to ourselves and our gut and head feelings, it can also help to talk to someone about your struggles and doubts. They may be able to put some things into perspective. If you don't want to talk to your family or friends, it can be helpful to find a mentor or go to therapy. DONE

• Read books about it: This advice may not be for everyone, but for some it can help to uncover their insecurities. It can help you understand why you react and feel a certain way. DONE

• Focus on the small steps ahead: Some small business owners have told me that imposter syndrome has stopped them from growing their business. So instead of focusing on the big picture, it can be helpful to simply focus on the next steps. Constantly assess your goals and take small steps towards them. DONE

• Write down your mantra or a quote that helps you: I wrote one of my favorite quotes on a little post-it in my office so I see all the time and it reminds me to keep going. Focus on your mantra when doubts come to mind. DONE

• Question your thoughts: Where do these questions and self-doubts come from? Did someone actually tell me that my business won't make it or did I create it in my head? Do I really want this or did I just see it on Instagram and like the idea of it? Is what I'm doing really worthless or is there someone out there who really enjoys your content? DONE

• Don't let it stop you: The final but most important advice. Even if you realize that imposter syndrome is affecting you, do it anyways! Two things that I always tell myself: "If you fail, it's okay." and "They will talk about you anyways, you might as well do what you like." One of the women I talked to said that her coping mechanism is to repeat it to herself like a mantra that she is good, valuable and capable and that she is an entire individual. D

Since imposter syndrome is as individual as we are, each of us experiences it differently and we all have different coping mechanisms for it. But I hope some of this advice helps you. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section. Thank you to all the people who took the time to answer some questions and share their experience with me!